I feel dirty…

I fell asleep for an hour, then woke up. Who cares, I tell myself. And feel a heck of a lot better.

Isn’t denial savory?

Seriously, folks, I don’t understand where my wife gets her energy and patience. The girls were being rowdy and not at all settling down for bed, so she pops them in the car and goes for a ride. Then she calls me and says, “We’re stopping at Rita’s. You want anything?” Personally, I’m exhausted and just want to read comic books and sleep all the time.

Maybe it’s because I was awake from 6am onwards this morning after a weekend of sleeping in.

Maybe it’s because I spent 2.5 hours listening to three sycophants enjoying hearing themselves describe their bass ackwards product that needs to be designed and figured out by September.

Maybe it’s because an irritating blob of a useless being has befriended me at work and I just feel like locking myself in the bathroom when she drops by to talk about just about anything.

Maybe it’s because I am burned out beyond all hope, deal with depression on an on-going basis, think that the world is on the brink of disaster due to 1. war and the u.s. conquest of all countries that are not “democratic” 2. global warming 3. pollution 4. too many people fucking and making more people 5. idiots who stand in the middle of the bike lane catching their breath because they are too old and frail to be out jogging in the first place and shouldn’t be in the fucking bike lane to begin with…

If I reinvent myself, will I wake up in 6 months and feel static again, stale?

If I perceive a situation as potentially fraught with peril, will I always be labeled a Cassandra or will people eventually give me credit for being a good judge of character, integrity?

Does history really repeat itself? Am I Bill Murray, only stuck in Baltimore in an infinite loop?

When will I get over my fear of failure and look for a new life, a new career?

Capitalism has no concern for ethics or human spirit. It is a big angry monster pissing on everyone.

Robert Rauschenberg died yesterday.

check this video out:

went down to Damien’s house to celebrate Mother’s Day. we had a kickass lunch of panninis and gazpacho. Greyson held his own with a binky and then some liquid lunch. the little guy is adorable.

then Damien and I went out and hit up the B&A trail heading south. we rode till the trail kinda stop and turned into road. went down a nice hill, then decided to turn around. that was about 7.25 miles. going back up that nice downhill sucked donkey balls.

so, we doubled back and went a little farther northbound, then circled back and headed back tot he ranch. I clocked it at 20 miles which brought me right up to 799 miles for the years.

damn, shoulda rode another mile…

anywho, it was a fun, flat ride. a fair amount of folks out on the trail. I’m glad we finished up before the rain started!